Jenn's Zen

Where to begin?  First, I suppose I should admit that I only saw two movies in the theater last year. They were Sex in the City and Horton Hears a Who.  “Sex” was a girls night out event and “Horton” was part of a great Saturday (previously blogged).  Each year when Oscar nominations are announced I feel a sudden urge to go out and try to round up as many movie tickets and DVDs as possible to watch in the weeks between the nominations and the awards.  This rarely works.  This year I almost saw Anne Hathaway’s performance, well, maybe almost is too much.  Friends and I discussed seeing it, but ended up missing it’s re-release.  I have felt completely and totally out of the loop because I haven’t seen Slumdog Millionaire.  In one of the post-Oscar articles I read today it said that the film was going to be re-released.  So, maybe I’ll catch it there.  If I don’t, I already added it to our (ever growing, over 300 titles) Netflix list.  In addition I also added these:

• Encounter at the end of the World
• The Garden
• The Betrayal
• Man on Wire
• Trouble the Water
• Pineapple Express
• The Reader
• Tropic Thunder
• Doubt
• Milk
• Seven Minutes
• Frost/Nixon
• Secret Life of Bees (I have to read the book first)
• Revolutionary Road
• Frozen River
• The Visitor
• Australia
• Ironman
• Defiance
• The Class
• Revanche

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Do you ever feel the need to pull out a persona in order to do something? Are some things easier or more fun when we channel someone else?

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At the end of December we recieved paperwork from the state of NC to begin the official process of becoming eligible to adopt our nieces and nephew. The paperwork was pretty much as expected, our general personal and contact info, work history, family history and then the not so expected “life story”.

Three pages of the packet they sent us was devoted to questions for us to individually answer about how we came to be the people we are today. It covered everything from “describe your mother and father, what was your relationship like growing up, what is your relationship like today. describe the homes you grew up in. describe your relationship with your siblings, now and in the past. describe what you like most about your spouse, and least. how do you make decisions in your family. how are emotions displayed in your family” and it went on and on like that for three typewritten pages.

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This started on Facebook and then I thought it would be fun to post it here as well.

1. I started Kindergarten when I was four years old. By high school I was the youngest in the class.

2. I have lived in in 18 different homes, in 10 different towns, in different four states.

3. Except for a school year in Missouri, I’ve always lived in states that border an ocean.

4. My leg (femur) was broken in a car accident when I was in 2nd grade. I was in the hospital for a month, at home in a body cast for a month and then at home on crutches for another month.

5. In 8th grade I had the chance to go to the Jackson Five Victory tour in Vancouver, BC (for free) and didn’t because I didn’t think it would be a very Christian thing to do. I’m STILL kicking myself for not going. Not cuz I’m a Michael Jackson fan, cuz I’m not, but I really think it would’ve been an incredible thing to see.

6. I traveled to Baja Mexico for a mission trip the summer before my sophomore year of high school. It forever changed how I view what I *need*.

7. Even though I was a band geek (flute) I was voted to be a cheerleader as well.

8. I started playing the flute in 5th grade band. I played until my early 20s and haven’t played since. Growing up I was often in vocal choirs. I haven’t in the past seven years and I miss it.

9. I attended an all women’s college (Cottey College, Nevada MO) for one school year.

10. In a children’s theater production at Cottey I played Rabbit in Winnie the Pooh.

11. During my second year of college I managed the 99 cent theater in town. I learned how to splice film together and run a cinema grade projector.

12. Because of the above mentioned job I have listened to the Rocky Horror Picture Show more times than I care to count.

13. I married my high school sweet heart. And we are still happily married!!!

14. For our tenth anniversary we celebrated with a trip to Hawaii, a new diamond for me and a house (in NC). We will have a difficult time topping that in the future.

15. We had the name Emily picked out since the early 1990s. There are a few people who may actually remember. I was very distressed when Alex Trebeck named his daughter Emily in the early 90s.

16. Until I witnessed a friend give birth I was convinced I would not be able to do it.

17. If I were to go back to college it would be to get my RN and masters for mid-wifery.

18. My dream car for years was a Volvo wagon. I’ve driven one for the last seven years.

19. I have eaten crepes at the base of the Eiffel Tower.

20. My number one goal as a parent is to raise a child who can give and receive love in healthy ways.

21. My favorite Disney princess is Belle (because she reads alot)

22. At Starbucks I order a tall, non-fat mocha, no whip.

23. If I could live anywhere it would be the Oregon Coast.

24. My favorite color is the darkest of navy blue.

25. I’ve decided that high thread count sheets, massages, psycho therapy and good hair cuts are worth the expense.

Jeremy found this as part of a Fark headline. He read the stats to me and I absolutely could not believe it.

If you aren’t going to the link I’ll go ahead and tell you, it’s a milkshake available from Baskin & Robbins that has 2600 calories with 1220 of them from fat. I feel a coronary coming on just reading that. It’s a huge (36 ounce) shake, but I’m sure I could drink it. How many people are drinking these with no clue?

For those who need a little perspective, according to Cooking Light magazine a woman 25-50 years of age should take in no more than 2000 calories in a day. When I had my last heart rate test at the gym my number was around 1600 to lose weight. In a one hour spin class I usually burn between 500 and 600 calories. That means that if I drank (DRANK I wouldn’t even get to chew it!) this shake I would have to work my ass off in 5 spin classes JUST TO STAY AHEAD of the calories. And that doesn’t even account for the 59 grams of SATURATED fat. I wouldn’t be able to have a cholesterol test for like 3 months!

I guess my point is this, know what you are using for fuel. Fuel, that’s how I’ve come to look at food most recently. Is what I’m putting in my body going to help me do what I need to do? Is it going to get me through the day? through the stress? through the work-outs? If I eat crap I’m going to feel like crap. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of feeling like crap.

Eat consciously, be aware. Even when you splurge, be aware.

P.S. another possible word for the year: Focus

Ah the pressure, however self-inflicted… Each year for the last few I’ve had a word for the year. It has been a kind of touch stone for that particular year. I can’t seem to find the right word for 2009. Maybe it’ll come to me further into the year. Possible choices that have come to mind thus far are clarity or strength.

Past words:

• 2006 Peace
• 2007 Balance
• 2008 Breathe

Suggestions?

The new year, a trip to the Franklin Covey store and a new calendar. I’ve entered all the pertinent information, birthdays, anniversaries, track-in/out dates, Aftershock gigs, a trip in February to the beach for scrapbooking and the hours set aside for the gym and nannying.

Outside of family responsibilities these two things (the gym and nannying) vy for my time. It is part of the balance I worked SO hard for in 2007. This fall and into the winter I over committed and was all over the place. It left me feeling like I was running in circles getting nowhere and constantly supposed to be somewhere else doing something else. No mas.

2009 a fresh start and a new schedule. My nanny schedule has changed. The family I work for doesn’t need me so late in the day anymore. I said goodbye to a few hours and while I wasn’t sure saying goodbye to the money was a good choice, the sanity it will bring to my day (and thus less stress to our family) makes it a good choice.

The last few months (Aug-Dec) I’ve been able to maintain my success at the gym, but truth be told I still haven’t reached my original goal. 2-3 workouts a week is not enough for me to reach that goal. Lifetime Fitness just put out their January schedule and I’ve mapped out a Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday routine that should give me the variety and results that I am working towards. Maybe Jeremy and I will even sneak in a few Friday night “date” work-outs. This schedule (minus the Wednesday workout) is one that I will be able to maintain in the future even if my nanny schedule changes, which it certainly will by the end of the year.

It feels good, a breath of fresh air into my schedule.

It has been pointed out to me that in my previous post I didn’t thank God for my husband. Does that mean I take our relationship for granted? Hardly. Several years ago we hit a marital wall and one of the things I learned then was to be sure not to take our relationship for granted. It’s almost as if our marriage is in it’s own separate category. To add it to the list of things below would somehow diminish all that it really is.

These thoughts have been rambling through my head since I made that post. Jeremy had surgery a couple weeks ago and in the first few hours of that experience and into the coming days these thoughts came together. Thus, a convergence of thought.

• I am thankful for a vital husband who is extremely capable and talented
• It makes me smile that even through his pain (emotional or physical) he still tries to make me laugh and often succeeds
• During the first hours and days of his recovery I helped him get dressed, socks, shirts the whole bit. It occurred to me how grateful I was that this wasn’t our normal. That he will get better and he’ll be able to care personally for himself. I was happy to do it, don’t get me wrong, but I was glad that it was temporary and not a Christopher Reeve situation.
• At one time I would have said we are lucky. These days can’t say I really believe in luck so much (check back if we ever win the lottery). I know that we both work hard at our relationship and I know we are both committed to it.
• I am thrilled to be with someone that I would be attracted to and desire to be with even if I met him for the first time today.
• It’s interesting to note that we’ve known each other for 20 years and yet I learned just a few weeks ago that he likes Laffy Taffy. who knew?! I can’t help but wonder what else I’ll learn in the coming years.

I do thank God for my husband and our marriage. I don’t take it for granted. It is something so precious and so dear that it is difficult for me to put into black and white words on a page. It feels as though the words limit what it is.

So, there it is. Some people might say we are lucky to have been together for 20 years (married for 17), and I suppose in some ways we are, but the two of us know the hard work and committment it has taken and will continue to take. Here’s to 18 years in 2009!

Every night (that I’m home, which is most nights) I pray with Emily.  She has a prayer she says, one that my mom taught her.  The second part of the prayer starts with the “God-blesses” we “God Bless” everyone on our list, then we do the “Thank you Gods” as we have come to call them.  It’s a different list each night, but there are several repeats.  My point in teaching her to pray this way is to teach her to pray for others and also to be thankful.  She’ll learn the asking part in due time, and frankly I don’t have that part down so I have left it out for now.

A few weeks ago in church we discussed various things about being thankful.  One option was to list our thanks physically on a huge piece of craft paper taped to a table.  We made a list very similar to the one we come up with each night.  Ever since then I’ve been even more conscientious (really don’t know how to spell that word) about thinking what I’m thankful for.  Here goes:

• a safe reliable car to drive
• warm clothes to wear
• a heated nice house to live in
• enough food
• a computer
• access to healthcare
• a healthy body and access to a fabulous gym
• amazing friends
• sound financial advice
• working appliances
• a cozy warm bed to sleep in
• running water and toilets that flush
• a happy healthy child

Life has been stressful and it will continue to be so.  By continuing to be thankful I feel like I am being taken care of and that my glass is (at least) half full.

Thank you!

That’s how long it took me to run a mile on Sunday.  I never thought I would know or care how long it took me to run a mile.  My line was always, “I will only run if someone is chasing me with a knife, if it’s a gun just shoot me already”.  Another new statistic that I know about myself is that I can run four miles.  That to me is a minor miracle.  Truth be told, when (18 months ago) I started working out I could barely jog 2 minutes.  By barely I mean winded, red faced, going to die, barely.  My goal for the end of this year was to be able to run a 5K (3.2 miles).  Now I know that I can.  I’m still not convinced I would do it in respectable time, but that wasn’t part of the original goal.  Maybe that will be part of next years goal.

Oh!  And for what it’s worth I still don’t enjoy it or think of it as fun.  I love knowing my body can do this. I love how it feels to ask my body to move and it moves.  I love being able to go out and dance my ass off at Aftershock gigs.  I love how I look in clothes (did I really just say that outloud?!).  I love all that.  The actual working out not so much, but I’m OK with that.