Jenn's Zen

It has been pointed out to me that in my previous post I didn’t thank God for my husband. Does that mean I take our relationship for granted? Hardly. Several years ago we hit a marital wall and one of the things I learned then was to be sure not to take our relationship for granted. It’s almost as if our marriage is in it’s own separate category. To add it to the list of things below would somehow diminish all that it really is.

These thoughts have been rambling through my head since I made that post. Jeremy had surgery a couple weeks ago and in the first few hours of that experience and into the coming days these thoughts came together. Thus, a convergence of thought.

• I am thankful for a vital husband who is extremely capable and talented
• It makes me smile that even through his pain (emotional or physical) he still tries to make me laugh and often succeeds
• During the first hours and days of his recovery I helped him get dressed, socks, shirts the whole bit. It occurred to me how grateful I was that this wasn’t our normal. That he will get better and he’ll be able to care personally for himself. I was happy to do it, don’t get me wrong, but I was glad that it was temporary and not a Christopher Reeve situation.
• At one time I would have said we are lucky. These days can’t say I really believe in luck so much (check back if we ever win the lottery). I know that we both work hard at our relationship and I know we are both committed to it.
• I am thrilled to be with someone that I would be attracted to and desire to be with even if I met him for the first time today.
• It’s interesting to note that we’ve known each other for 20 years and yet I learned just a few weeks ago that he likes Laffy Taffy. who knew?! I can’t help but wonder what else I’ll learn in the coming years.

I do thank God for my husband and our marriage. I don’t take it for granted. It is something so precious and so dear that it is difficult for me to put into black and white words on a page. It feels as though the words limit what it is.

So, there it is. Some people might say we are lucky to have been together for 20 years (married for 17), and I suppose in some ways we are, but the two of us know the hard work and committment it has taken and will continue to take. Here’s to 18 years in 2009!

Every night (that I’m home, which is most nights) I pray with Emily.  She has a prayer she says, one that my mom taught her.  The second part of the prayer starts with the “God-blesses” we “God Bless” everyone on our list, then we do the “Thank you Gods” as we have come to call them.  It’s a different list each night, but there are several repeats.  My point in teaching her to pray this way is to teach her to pray for others and also to be thankful.  She’ll learn the asking part in due time, and frankly I don’t have that part down so I have left it out for now.

A few weeks ago in church we discussed various things about being thankful.  One option was to list our thanks physically on a huge piece of craft paper taped to a table.  We made a list very similar to the one we come up with each night.  Ever since then I’ve been even more conscientious (really don’t know how to spell that word) about thinking what I’m thankful for.  Here goes:

• a safe reliable car to drive
• warm clothes to wear
• a heated nice house to live in
• enough food
• a computer
• access to healthcare
• a healthy body and access to a fabulous gym
• amazing friends
• sound financial advice
• working appliances
• a cozy warm bed to sleep in
• running water and toilets that flush
• a happy healthy child

Life has been stressful and it will continue to be so.  By continuing to be thankful I feel like I am being taken care of and that my glass is (at least) half full.

Thank you!

Requirement number one was to love them, and I probably jumped the gun with the next step being to get custody. Depending on how I figure it’s either number two (and I’ll shift getting custody) or I’ll squeeze it in at 1.5. Either way, my next suggestion is NOT to ride the roller coaster. It’s right there, a bright shiny, roller coaster of emotion just waiting for your mind, body and soul, but don’t do it. You will need the energy for when the children are actually living with you. (more…)

Last night we attended a fabulous party that celebrated two of our friends turning 40. The hostess had two girlie drinks available, one of which was labeled S** on the Beach. (I loved that because she has kiddos in the house and didn’t want to deal with bottled sex in the kitchen. hee hee) As the night progressed one of the guests was deciding what to drink and she chose the sex because, according to her, “I might as well drink it even if I’ve never done it. (on the beach that is)” People nearby chuckled and I piped up, “That’s OK, because it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” That apparently was the wrong thing to say. One person promptly asked how much I’d had to drink (not much) and others appeared surprised that I’d say such a thing, out loud, in public.

Let me explain… there is sand and wind on the beach. Need I say more? My comment was meant to disspell the myth of the Hollywood sexy beach scene. By now, as reasonably well-educated adults, we should realize that EVERY Hollywood scene is well-lit, designed and rehearsed over and over. When the non-professionals attempt to recreate such a scene we forget about things like sand and wind. So, my comment was in no way related to the quality of the actual encounter, but rather the surroundings that left much, much to be desired.

There. The conversation last night moved much too fast for me to defend my comment. But here it is now for all the web to see.

A quick search on Amazon comes up empty for books with this title. Since it isn’t written yet, maybe I’ll write it.

The short story is that JD’s sister has left her kids for the umpteenth time with their mom, the children’s grandmother. Grandma is capable of handling one of the kids at a time for a day at a time. I don’t think that’s unusual. When my sister-in-law leaves it’s usually under the guise of “I’m gonna go get a Coke, I’ll be right back” and she’s gone for anywhere from 12 hours to a week, without any communication or way to get ahold of her (she won’t answer her cell phone). This happened, most recently, yesterday. However, yesterday CPS and the police were called to take the children because grandma could no longer care for them. This is new. This has never happened before. It’s time.

This starts a clock for their mother. The mother now has 48 hours to claim her kids. If she does then the circus starts all over again. If she doesn’t then she has six months to take classes and follow the rules set by the state to regain custody of her children. It isn’t a perfect system by any means. The laws are all on her side. We have to wait and see what she does. She may do nothing and the children will be available at the end of six months for placement. She may pull it together and regain custody. In all likelihood she’ll get her act together a little, just enough and this will drag out for more than six months. (more…)

In honor of our recent (Sunday June 8th) 17th wedding anniversary I thought I’d post this.

I finished up She’s Come Undone recently at the gym between classes. This quote is at the very end of the book and it had me both laughing out loud and thinking at the same time.

“…I just don’t believe in happily-ever-after”

“I ain’t offering you happily-ever-after. I’m offering you…happily-maybe-sometimes-ever-after. Sort of. You know, with warts…”

Isn’t this so true?! Isn’t this all any of us really have to offer? When we get married we think we can offer the other person perfection (and thus receive it back in return) and yet in reality all we have to offer is ourselves, “You know, with warts”. It doesn’t sound nearly as romantic “happily-maybe-sometimes-ever-after” but isn’t it much more realistic? This isn’t what young girls dream about, but maybe they should because it’s true.

Happy Anniversary to us, warts and all.