To get a dopamine “hit,” make something that pushes you to the furthest edge of your ability, where you’re not only focused but learning and perfecting skills…At first, depending on how addicted to mania you happen to be, the excitement-grubbing part of your brain won’t want to stop obsessing about over-the-top experiences. It will cling to its fantasies about the next huge thrill…keep creating.

As you persist, your brain will eventually yield to the state psychologists call mindfulness. Your emotions will calm, even if you’re physically and mentally active. You won’t notice happiness when it first appears, because in true presence, the mind’s frantic searching stops. In its place arises a fascination with what’s occurring here and now. Though this feeling is subtle, it’s the opposite of dull. It’s infinitely varied and exquisite.

The aftermath of a creative surge, especially one that involves a new skill, is a sense of accomplishment and increased self-efficacy-which psychologists recognize as an important counter to depression…you’re left with the happy fatigue of someone who is building strength.

Pay attention to this process, and you’ll see that the motivation to be here and now will gradually grow stronger than the cultural pressure to seek excitement. You’ll find yourself increasingly able to tune in to the delights of the present even when you’re not actively creating. When this happens, you’ll be on your way to genuine happiness: abundant, sustainable delight in the beautiful moments of ordinary life.”

Go be creative!!!

From O magazine, February 2012, Martha Beck

“I have many friends in New York who are not religious people. Most, I would say, either they fell away from the spiritual teachings of their youth or they never grew up with any God to begin with. Naturally, some of them are a bit freaked out by my newfound efforts to reach holiness. Jokes are made, of course. As my friend Bobby quipped once while he was trying to fix my computer: “No offense to your aura, but you still don’t know (swear) about downloading software.” I roll with the jokes. I think it’s all funny too. Of course it is.

What I’m seeing in some of my friends, though as they are aging, is a longing to have something to believe in. But this longing chafes against any number of obstacles, including their intellect and common sense. Despite all their intellect, though, these people still live in a world that careens about in a series of wild and devastating and completely nonsensical lurches. Great and horrible experiences of either suffering or joy occur in the lives of all these people, just as with the rest of us, and these mega-experiences tend to make us long for a spiritual context in which to express either lament or gratitude, or to seek understanding. The problem is- what to worship, whom to pray to?

I have a dear friend whose first child was born right after his beloved mother died. After this confluence of miracle and loss, my friend felt a desire to have some kind of sacred place to go, or some ritual to perform, in order to sort through all the emotion. My friend was a Catholic by upbringing, but couldn’t stomach returning to the church as an adult. (“I can’t buy it anymore,” he said, “knowing what I know.”) Of course, he’d be embarrassed to become a Hindu or a Buddhist or something wacky like that. So what could he do? As he told me, “You don’t want to go cherry-picking a religion.”

Which is a sentiment I completely respect except for the fact that I totally disagree. I think you have every right to cherry-pick when it comes to moving your spirit and finding peace in God. I think you are free to search for any metaphor whatsoever which will take you across the worldly divide whenever you need to be transported or comforted. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s the history of mankind’s search for holiness. If humanity never evolved in its exploration of the divine, a lot of us would still be worshiping golden Egyptian statues of cats. And this evolution of religious thinking does involve a fair bit of cherry-picking. You take whatever works from wherever you can find it, and you keep moving toward the light.”

That was taken from the latter portion of section 70. Bold emphasis mine.

The older I get the more “one-size fits all” religion is harder and harder for me to comprehend. Does that mean I have all the answers? No. Does that mean I’ve got it figured out? No. To me it means I’m open to the possibility. Consider the possibility.

I finished up She’s Come Undone recently at the gym between classes. This quote is at the very end of the book and it had me both laughing out loud and thinking at the same time.

“…I just don’t believe in happily-ever-after”

“I ain’t offering you happily-ever-after. I’m offering you…happily-maybe-sometimes-ever-after. Sort of. You know, with warts…”

Isn’t this so true?! Isn’t this all any of us really have to offer? When we get married we think we can offer the other person perfection (and thus receive it back in return) and yet in reality all we have to offer is ourselves, “You know, with warts”. It doesn’t sound nearly as romantic “happily-maybe-sometimes-ever-after” but isn’t it much more realistic? This isn’t what young girls dream about, but maybe they should because it’s true.

Happy Anniversary to us, warts and all.

This is a recent, soon to be classic, E-quote. It came about because E kept asking me about “the elevators” as we were driving down the highway. (I know it isn’t just us, what is it about these car conversations?)

Me: “What elevators?!”

her: “The ones by Target.”

Me: “E, there aren’t any elevators by Target, there is an elevator at Kohl’s”

We drive by Target and she points to the bus stop booths.

her: “Those, Gram said those are the elevators.”

Me: “Well, Gram is wrong because those are bus stops, not elevators.”

her: “Gram isn’t wrong, she’s just silly.”

Defending her Gram to the end.  Gotta love that!