Jenn's Zen

This could also be titled, “My Heart Grew Four Sizes That Day”. 

The little girl and I recently returned from a trip out west. Due to a savvy case worker and a six hour road trip we were able to reconnect with the children over lunch and a playdate at the park. Let me say this, there are alot of things wrong with CPS and the foster care system, but any social worker willing to drive six hours (each way) with three small children in one day so that we could all see each other gets some kudos in my book. We drove from WA, they drove from CA and we met in OR. As soon as the kiddos saw each other they were instantly “best cousins” all over again. At lunch they were making potty jokes, giggling and telling stories. The youngest babe sat on my lap and ate fries. It was delightful. After we filled our bellies we headed to the park.

We lucked out and it was a fabulous sunny day. We had packed snacks, sand toys, sidewalk chalk, and bubbles. They ran, swung on the swings, spun around, shot basketballs, blew bubbles, slid down the slide(s), traced each other in chalk, hopped hopscotch, and smiled for the camera. We were able to savor this family bliss for about 2.5 hours. It was not long enough. I had to make a conscious effort not to cry when it was time to say good-bye. I knew if I started they would follow and that would just be bad all the way around. We gave them gifts to play with on the car ride back to CA, we blew kisses and the social worker made promises of trying to get a visit to NC this summer. And instead of my heart breaking while saying good-bye, it grew. It grew as only a parent’s (guardian, care-giver) heart can. It grew the size of four small children (including our own dear sweet little girl) ranging in age from seven to one. It was great to see them all smiling, happy and healthy.

It was good to reconnect. Aug. 10th is the next court date.

The sweet darling little girl that is.  She has recently discovered Wheel of Fortune and I dare say it’s her new favorite show.  At first I tried to get her to not watch it.  While we are the parents and we make the rules, TiVo does make it difficult to justify to a child that the show is on after bedtime and therefore she can’t watch it.  Wheel of Fortune is on at 7:30 EST in our viewing area.  The little girl’s bedtime has been 7:00 pm for quite some time now.

A few things made the shift to letting her watch a little easier. 1) JD gets home later than he used to.  So their time together was taking a hit. 2) The little girl was starting to do the bedtime procrastination thing.  All parents and caregivers are familiar with it. The dawdling, the requests for water, time in the bathroom, did I mention dawdling?  It was pushing bedtime further and further (closer to my prime-time viewing actually). And by allowing her to watch Wheel of Fortune both of these things were solved.  JD watches with her and it has become one of their special things.  Be careful if you watch with them, you can’t just blurt out the puzzle if you think you know.  Our rule has become that she has to be ready for bed (jammied up and teeth brushed) before she can watch.  Done.  Easy Peasy.

It’s hilarious to watch with her.  She’ll usually comment on Vanna’s lovely dress (the color, how sparkly, how long it is).  Then she does what we all did.  It’ll be a five word puzzle and they’ve called T,H and E. “I know, it’s something, something, THE, something, something, something”.  I’m not even kidding.  That’s exactly what she says.  And I laugh EVERY time.  She was shocked to learn that when mommy watched the show as a little girl Vanna had to actually turn the letters.  It took some explaining, but she was impressed.

Another generation of Wheel.  Merv would be proud.

Am I the only person who sometimes feels bad for the husband who is depicted as clumsily taking care of his own children?  This week in the comic strip For Better For Worse the mother has been out of town and dad has been home taking care of the children.  As per the stereotype of this situation he doesn’t know the routine or where anything is located in the house.  If I side with this guy do I have to turn in my neighborhood mommy card? Am I siding with the enemy?

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At the end of December we recieved paperwork from the state of NC to begin the official process of becoming eligible to adopt our nieces and nephew. The paperwork was pretty much as expected, our general personal and contact info, work history, family history and then the not so expected “life story”.

Three pages of the packet they sent us was devoted to questions for us to individually answer about how we came to be the people we are today. It covered everything from “describe your mother and father, what was your relationship like growing up, what is your relationship like today. describe the homes you grew up in. describe your relationship with your siblings, now and in the past. describe what you like most about your spouse, and least. how do you make decisions in your family. how are emotions displayed in your family” and it went on and on like that for three typewritten pages.

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Requirement number one was to love them, and I probably jumped the gun with the next step being to get custody. Depending on how I figure it’s either number two (and I’ll shift getting custody) or I’ll squeeze it in at 1.5. Either way, my next suggestion is NOT to ride the roller coaster. It’s right there, a bright shiny, roller coaster of emotion just waiting for your mind, body and soul, but don’t do it. You will need the energy for when the children are actually living with you. (more…)

A quick search on Amazon comes up empty for books with this title. Since it isn’t written yet, maybe I’ll write it.

The short story is that JD’s sister has left her kids for the umpteenth time with their mom, the children’s grandmother. Grandma is capable of handling one of the kids at a time for a day at a time. I don’t think that’s unusual. When my sister-in-law leaves it’s usually under the guise of “I’m gonna go get a Coke, I’ll be right back” and she’s gone for anywhere from 12 hours to a week, without any communication or way to get ahold of her (she won’t answer her cell phone). This happened, most recently, yesterday. However, yesterday CPS and the police were called to take the children because grandma could no longer care for them. This is new. This has never happened before. It’s time.

This starts a clock for their mother. The mother now has 48 hours to claim her kids. If she does then the circus starts all over again. If she doesn’t then she has six months to take classes and follow the rules set by the state to regain custody of her children. It isn’t a perfect system by any means. The laws are all on her side. We have to wait and see what she does. She may do nothing and the children will be available at the end of six months for placement. She may pull it together and regain custody. In all likelihood she’ll get her act together a little, just enough and this will drag out for more than six months. (more…)

As I was getting dressed today I noticed my clothing:

• Levi’s jeans
• t-shirt from Hard Rock Café (Maui, yes, I really went there)
• bra from Vera Wang
• undies from Gap Body
• and sweater from Abercrombie and Fitch

I’m not a label girl, really I’m not. I buy what I like and what fits and only pay what I want to pay. The jeans are the $20 variety from Target, the t-shirt was a tourist purchase almost 7 years ago, the bra was less than $20, the undies were on sale I’m sure of it, probably 3/$10 or some such thing. The sweater is of course the gem from our recent Goodwill outing. All could have been made in China, so possibly not so very American after all.

This past Saturday was a beautiful thing.

It was the perfect symbiosis of life as JD and I have figured out thus far. We all like to sleep in.  Well, to qualify that the little girl likes to “snuggle in”.  If someone is willing to get her something to eat and let her snuggle back into the bed to watch TV, the morning is golden. Because of our schedules, the way that they are, this is best enjoyed on Saturdays. This last week the breakfast and snuggling were delayed a bit even by E’s normal routine. She is usually up and ready to face the world at 6:45 am and then detained in her room until her clock reads 7:00 am. At that time she is allowed to venture out and seek comfort for her hungry belly and cold feet. This is of course assuming that she hasn’t already climbed into our bed between the hours of 1:00 and 4:00 am. When this happens, as long as she goes back to sleep, I don’t mind anymore (notice the anymore, I’m relaxing into motherhood!).

So, back to Saturday… 8:00 am E and I are up and had toast or cereal or some such token of breakfast. I got dressed, she got dressed and then we both went back to mommy and daddy’s room to watch TV. An hour or so later JD joined us in the awakened state. He was hungry, but neither cereal nor toast was sounding good. I mentioned IHOP and heard, “Do they deliver?” “Um, no.” And truthfully soggy lukewarm pancakes with rubbery eggs just don’t sound very good out of a Styrofoam box. The Saturday attire of t-shirt, hat, cargo shorts was donned by JD and off we went. Surprisingly the wait was less than 20 minutes and we were seated in a timely manner. YUM! When IHOP sounds good, and then I actually get to eat it, YUM! That’s all I have to say. By the way, I order the same thing EVERY time: Harvest nut & grain pancake combo, eggs over medium w/ sausage. High cholesterol be damned. It isn’t like I eat it every week, or even every month for that matter.
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With the little girl having turned five, thus beginning Kindergarten soon, the inevitable has arrived. The question of whether or not to return to work outside the home. For some reason when people ask, “what do you do?” and you answer “I’m a stay-at-home-mom” they expect you to be home with someone younger than the age of five. I’m not sure why, but it is so. If they find out you are staying at home with a seven year old there is a look that comes over them and all of a sudden they act as though they feel embarrassed for you or some such thing.

This however is no easy decision. The questions begin immediately, full-time? Part-time? What type of job? Do you look for something similar to what you did before having a child or something new? Does the new venture require after-school care? What about school breaks? Do you need to brush up on your skills? Can you make enough to cover the new expenses? Can you actually get hired? All of these things have to be addressed. Ultimately the goal is to find something that is PERFECT. Perfect for your family. I’ve been brainstorming this for months.

Do I continue to nanny? I can bring the little girl whenever necessary and this current family respects me and is very generous. Do I try to admin again? I love doing it, but the schedule blows. A tele-commuting admin kind of defeats the purpose. I briefly considered passing out resumes to various Doc offices to see if anyone needed a part-time, track three mommy to fill in. That seemed complicated.

What I’ve finally decided to pursue will probably come as no surprise to those who know me well. I’ve decided to put in an application for a teacher’s assistant and get on the same track as E. This way I’ll have the days off when she does for the most part. The pay is alright and I truly think I’d like the job. Years ago I went to school for elementary ed, so those thoughts and desires of helping to shape young minds still lurk within my soul.

So, today that’s my plan. We’ll see how it goes. Stay tuned for more updates.